Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
