you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
