I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
