I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Randomize
