What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
