Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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