I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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