I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
They took my balls.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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