Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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