She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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