i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
