I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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