you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
try to milk me bitch
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