dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Still dying that you shit outside
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
