You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
