she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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