Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
