Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
