how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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