hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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