he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You can't just leave with hair like that
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
