I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this just has baby written all over it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
ok first of all what the fuck
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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