I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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