I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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