I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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