Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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