Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
