Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
