Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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