If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
