The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
