its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
