It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
