moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
