You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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