I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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