You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
