Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
