The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
