watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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