im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
