I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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