Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
