Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
