My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
