my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
May the power of my ass compel you!!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
