Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
