I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
