You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
