Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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