I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
