just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
