Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
